两个g的加速度

请访问扑满城

-im gonna invent a new internet acronym: tltttwt

-wtf is it?

-too lazy to type the whole thing

Ken: Harry, let's face it. And I'm not being funny. I mean no disrespect, but you're a cunt. You're a cunt now, and you've always been a cunt. And the only thing that's going to change is that you're going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.
Harry: Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done? You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!
Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.
Harry: Insult my fucking kids? That's going overboard, mate!
Ken: I retracted it, didn't I?
Ken: Still leaves you being a cunt.
Harry: Yeah, I fucking got that.

--------

Harry: An Uzi? I'm not from South Central Los fucking Angeles. I didn't come here to shoot 20 black 10-year-olds in a fucking drive-by. I want a normal gun for a normal person.

-------
Ken: Ray, don't!
Ray: Fucking hell! Where the fuck did you come from?
Ken: I was behind the thing. What the fuck are you doing, Ray?
Ray: What the fuck are you doing?
Ken: Nothing.
Ray: Oh, my God!

Ray: You were gonna kill me.
Ken: No, I wasn't.
Ken: You were gonna kill yourself!
Ray: I'm allowed to.
Ken: No, you're not!
Ray: What? I'm not allowed to and you are? How's that fair?
Ken: Can we go somewhere and talk about this, please?

Ken: I wasn't gonna go through with it, Ray.
Ray: You fucking looked like you were gonna go fucking through with it. Where'd you get that gun?
Ken: A friend of Harry's.
Ray: Fuck, man.
Ray: Let me see it.
Ken: Silencer, too.
Ray: Nice. Mine's a bloody girl's gun.
Ken: I'm keeping it.
Ray: Pardon me?
Ray: Give me me gun back.
Ken: You're not getting it back. You're a suicide case.
Ray: And you were trying to shoot me in the fucking head.
Ken: You're not getting that gun back.
Ray: A great day this has turned out to be. I'm suicidal, me mate tries to kill me, me gun gets nicked and we're still in fucking Bruges.

Ray - What's that all about, then?
Ken - It's Judgment Day, you know?
Ray - Oh, yeah. What's that then?
Ken - Well, it's, you know, the final day on Earth. When mankind will be judged for all the crimes they've committed and that.
Ray - And see who gets into Heaven and who gets into Hell and all that?
Ken - Yeah.
Ray - And what's the other place?
Ken - Purgatory.
Ray - Purgatory?
Ken - Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one.
Ray - You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great, either.
Ray - Like Tottenham.

Ray - Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken?
Ken - About Tottenham?
Ray - The Last Judgment and the afterlife.

--where do i fail again?

First off, you're the product of a failed abortion. Then your mother failed to drown you properly, only enhancing your retardation. Then you failed to develop inter-personal skills, a sense of a humour, and functioning testicles. After that, you completely failed to "have sex" or what I like to call "fucking." After which, you failed to enhance your brain to a proper level.

Then, you failed to make sensible arguements, failed to make funny statements, failed to win, and invariably you will try to shoot yourself in the skull and fail at that too, whereupon you will accidentally shoot two house cats and a small schoolgirl.

Then you will fail to make a logical case in court, where you will fail to be found innocent, and you will go to prison, where the only thing you will succeed at is being jail raped and then murdered by a fatman

Okay, let me rephrase: you will fail to properly protect your anus from a fatman in prison, and you will fail to have a knife-proof head, directly resulting in your subsequent failure to live whereupon your organs will be donated to science, where your heart will fail, killing a small child, your lungs will fail, killing an elderly man, your liver will fail, killing a recovering alcoholic, and your kidneys will fail, making somebody pee everywhere

A - PDF is suck
A - everyone should make their manuals using HTML
B - Why do people in insist on using verbs as adjectives?
C - because is fun
D - cos that's so impress
A - because everythings been done before
A - our generation has nothing to conquer, everythings been explored, we're basically just sitting here now kinda hanging out until the generation above us dies and we can take over
A - so screw it, lets play nintendo and butcher the english language

Sed is the ultimate stream editor. If that sounds strange, picture a stream flowing through a pipe. Okay, you can't see a stream if it's inside a pipe. That's what I get for attempting a flowing analogy. You want literature, read James Joyce.

Anyhow, sed is a marvelous utility. Unfortunately, most people never learn its real power. The language is very simple, but the documentation is terrible. The Solaris on-line manual pages for sed are five pages long, and two of those pages describe the 34 different errors you can get. A program that spends as much space documenting the errors than it does documenting the language has a serious learning curve.


---Bruce Barnett: Sed - An Introduction and Tutorial

- my throat is killing me.. anyone got tips how to reduce the pain?
- no, it's not caused by swallowing semen
- I don't think swallowing semen would help either
- I see.. so honey + lemon + warm milk/water would help
- no, I'm not going to mix up any semen with that
- I wonder what whiskey + warm milk would taste like
- No, I don't think it would taste like semen
- FINE! I'll try the semen, so shut up already!

g附：这个题目我还打算用：
腐朽的很容易消化掉；新鲜的又没什么味道
g又附：这段话很有Quino的风格，至少我认为。
g再附：Quino本名Joaquín Salvador Lavado， 尚健在。

--东方红原版歌词

骑白马，跑沙滩。

你没有婆姨呀我没汉。

咱俩捆成一嘟噜蒜，呼儿嗨哟。

土里生来土里烂。



骑白马，挎洋枪，

三哥哥吃了八路军的粮。

有心回家看姑娘，呼儿嗨哟。

打日本也顾不上。



三八枪，没盖盖。

八路军当兵的没太太，

待到那打下榆林城，呼儿嗨哟。

一人一个女学生。

(不详不详还是不详)
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

作者不详

Answering Machine:
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine?

"Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love.'" Beep." "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling...Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love"

（作者不详）
So the other night I can't sleep, so I go downstairs and pour a bowl of cereal and decide I'll eat it in my room while I watch Conan.
After I pour my cereal, I turn the lights back off and it's pitch black as I walk up the stairs to my bedroom.
By the way, I'm only wearing a pair of silk shorts.
So I'm trying to balance my bowl of cereal in the dark so I don't spill, thinking I'm doing okay. When I reach the top of the stairs, the bowl tips and I feel it spill all over my shorts.
So I walk back downstairs to grab a rag and clean up. I find a roll of paper towels and I pick up all the cereal inside it and walk downstairs to throw it away and put my bowl in the sink.
Then I start to clean up the milk on the floor and on my shorts.
Well this is near my parents' bedroom, and as I'm cleaning, I hear them having sex. Being male, I start to get an erection at the sounds of sex, despite the fact that I know it's my parents having the sex.
So I try to tune it out and hurry up with the spilt milk. In the midst of all this, I start to have a coughing fit. A result of being a smoker.
A minute later, my mom opens her bedroom door - wrapped in a blanket - and sees me standing there with an erection bulging through my shorts, which are still wet with a seeping liquid, and a paper towel in my hand dripping white stuff, all outside her bedroom door where she and my dad were just having sex.
I've never thought seriously about running away from home until that night.

<雷雨>第2幕
周朴园 你有什么事吧？
鲁大海 董事长当然知道我是为什么来的。
周朴园（摇头）我不知道。
鲁大海 我们老远从矿上来，今天我又在您府上大门房里从早上六点钟一直等到现在，我就是要问问董事长，对于我们工人的条件，究竟是允许不允许？
周朴园 哦，——那么，那三个代表呢？
鲁大海 我跟你说吧，他们现在正在联络旁的工会呢。
周朴园 哦，——他们没有告诉你旁的事情么？
鲁大海 告诉不告诉于你没有关系。——我问你，你的意思，忽而软，忽而硬，究竟是怎么回子事？

(略）

鲁大海（看合同）什么？（慢慢地，低声）他们三个人签了字。他们怎么会不告诉我就签了字呢？他们就这样把我不理啦？
周朴园 对了，傻小子，没有经验只会胡喊是不成的。
鲁大海 那三个代表呢？
周朴园 昨天晚车就回去了。
鲁大海（如梦初醒）他们三个就骗了我了，这三个没有骨头的东西，他们就把矿上的工人们卖了。哼，你们这些不要脸的董事长，你们的钱这次又灵了！

(作者不详)

编辑跟某武侠作者约稿，要写一篇既打破世俗伦理，又包含江湖门派间多年恩怨情仇，同时情节还要扣人心悬，大有血雨腥风呼之欲来这样的微型武侠小说。

第二天交工，全文只有十个字：

秃驴！竟敢跟贫道抢师太！

以下为资料版，加强版，修订版，收藏版……

师太,你就从了老衲吧
版本1 三角恋： 贼道!尔敢和老衲抢师太.
版本2 断臂山： 贼尼,你敢和道爷抢方丈!
版本3 有外遇的断背山： 秃驴,你敢和贫尼抢道爷!
版本4 忠贞不渝的断臂山： 死贼尼.莫要破坏老衲和道爷的关系!

版本5 同门日久生情： 师兄,你就从了老衲吧
版本6 众神皆法： 贼尼!竟敢跟道爷抢神父!!
版本7 情节连贯： 师太,你就从了老衲吧……师太,你就饶了老衲吧～～
版本8 宗教3P版： 师太，你就从了贫道跟方丈吧
版本9 佛门SM版： 师太，原来你惯用长鞭的，方丈有你照顾，贫道就可以放心离开了...泣

威力加强版：
是夜,无风,晴.
大内
樱花如雨.
三人在战.
"无量天尊,秃驴尔竟敢和我抢师太,今日道爷就要给你一个惨绝人寰的死呀."
"哥,不要闹了.你已经入宫这么多年了,我们已经不可能了呀."美艳尼姑拉住方丈的手"现在我心里只有他."
"女儿,你且退下,今日老衲就要将此贼道轰下以报当年夺妻之恨"

终极版：
夜，很深。
皇宫的寝宫深处，两男一女，三个人影上窜下跳，接着同时跳入一片空地当中。一男子手拿拂尘，瞪眼骂道：“秃驴！你好大的胆子！竟敢跟贫道抢师太！”
女子急急叫道：“哥！你净身入宫多年，我们根本不能做夫妻，你何必苦苦相逼呢！”说着，紧紧拉住身边的男子：“我只爱他！心里也只有他！”
那男子轻轻挣开女子的手，上前一步，低声说道：“女儿！退后！看老衲今天杀了这臭道士！以报多年前的夺妻之恨！”
只见至爱的两人,以死相拼,女子无奈长叹一声:"你二人别争了,9年前我已有了爷爷的骨肉!现任小皇帝是也.我的身体只属于他,你们走吧..."
此时,一座石狮背后,闪出一衣着华美的少年,叹道:"太后,朕实乃断袖之人,已与和尚爷爷有了龙阳之好..."说罢,眼角瞟了眼道士,便低下头去.
手拿拂尘男子听后,呆立半晌,黯然道:好,好,好,果然天道循环,因果不爽,当年我夺你妻,如今你抢我心头之肉,枉我挥刀变性,乔为内官,受那自宫之苦
大和尚却仿佛没听见道士的话,而是沉吟着问女子:女儿,你说陛下是九年前与父亲所出?他如今是死是活?
“哈哈哈哈”随着震耳的笑声，一个衣着破烂的喇嘛从天而降，“秃驴，夺妻之仇未报，老朽怎舍得就此西去？！！

朱广沪下课危机愈演愈烈 谢亚龙：杜伊就是战神 /程善
(前略）

现在，足协大员对杜伊赞不绝口，当初对其能力不完全信服，甚至留一手的态度已经变成了折服。在看了击败荷兰，归国督战A3之前，谢亚龙紧握杜伊的手，“在我眼里，你就是
战神。”并告诉球员，“大家请跟我喊三遍：感谢杜伊。”并且告诫国奥教练组，必须紧紧团结在杜伊同志周围。而看了国奥逆转加纳后，谢亚龙再次致电国奥：向杜伊同志问好！

　　打泰国队前，龙王曾夜宴国家队教练，高调为朱广沪打气，称其为“总司令”，树立老朱的最高权威，“要人给人，要物给物”，但输给泰国和美国，让老朱的信任度降到冰点，而现在的龙王和杜伊，已完全进入了“蜜月期”———这个时期的男女，什么事情都干得出来，那么龙王和杜伊呢？

by gee -- 极品读者
晚报前几年搞社庆，刊登了一个老读者的故事，那个老读者讲了他和晚报20年的情结，那就是：20年前，他给晚报投了一篇稿，晚报采用了，稿子大概100来字，标题叫《夏天学游泳》。
　　从此，他热爱上了晚报，孜孜不倦地给晚报写稿，几十年如一日地关心着晚报。
　　讲到这里，他声泪俱下、泣不成声地，无比激动地说，这样坚持了20年后，晚报终于又刊登了他的另一篇稿子——《冬天学滑冰》 。

吕约：一时快感－－意义游戏

09 在飞机上，国王不小心打翻了侍从端上来的一杯水。第二天我们在报纸上看到，那个干旱了十年的地方，下了整整一天的暴雨，很多原本就奄奄一息的妇女和儿童被 淹死了。这个国家终于卸掉了长久以来的包袱，轻装上阵。一些专家赞美国王的力量，一些专家补充说，国王的侍从的作用也不容忽视。

和菜头 -- 再说《我的千岁寒》
《金刚经》本身有两重属性，一重是在宗教意义上的法本，另一重是翻译后文学意义上的文本。王朔的版本在宗教上不成立，如果依照他的解说，那是一种错误的讲解，相当于他就是世尊。因为针对《金刚经》的讲解已经有太多版本，这些版本之间只有表述上的不同，但是在理解上，尤其是精微的部分上，早已经形成的共识。这种解释不需要王朔来多此一举，而且，作为宗教的法本，重点是其中的义理，在不在操持何种语言来讲解。

……

这种文学创作人人可为，东北人可以写：“老头要饭回来，下面跪了乌泱乌泱地一地。这时候须老头蹦了出来，他和佛的关系，那简直是岗岗的。”四川人可以写：“释老汉把锅儿刷洗干净，洗洗脚板，一个人廓倒，觉得龟儿硬是安逸惨了。”广东人可以写：“大佬返佐屋企，同埋一千二百条契弟，呢个时候，须菩提系话事人。”作家的创造力体现在哪里？灵感又体现在哪里？
（下略）

by nostalgia

……
人胖点儿在中国不见得是缺点，至少美国人这么认为。几年前总统大选，好像是《新闻周刊》一篇文章讲选举中非政治因素的重要性说总统候选人千万不能胖因为美国文化把瘦高和诚实等同，作为对比那篇文章又说东方文化正好相反，胖在中国是诚实可靠的象征。要是按这么推理，从我们新中国成立到现在的几代领导人的体重的升降变化就可以大概推测出我们“全盘西化”或者说是“与国际接轨”的程度——领袖是胖子的时代我们往东；瘦子掌了权我们往西。总的趋势是越变越瘦了，比如朱镕基比李鹏瘦胡锦涛比江核心瘦大家都比毛主席瘦，当然，不可避免地中间也发生过一些瘦得不合时宜的情况，比如少奇还有耀邦同志，不过他们都及时地离开了领导岗位，从而维护了这一“体重政治学”定理的正确性。作为一个右倾机会主义资产阶级自由化分子，我每次看见温总理竟然这么瘦就觉得中国大有希望。
……

三儿 -- 广电总局让我们笑出多样化

……
民间办丧，自然和官家办丧规格不一。有个有趣的比较，民间办丧，多是以哭的声调来判断对死者的感情，越热闹越好；而官方办丧，规矩就要多多了，起码不能像民间那样吵闹，基调基本上为“庄严肃穆”。比如，人人脸上要带着如丧考妣的神态，但绝不能出声，人人不能像民间那样披麻戴孝，但要手臂上缠黑纱，只能穿黑色的外套，走路要“缓缓”，说话要轻声。如果说要流泪得如丧考妣，那只能有一个代表，比如说某某死了之后，作为权力继承者的“准儿子”可以当众流泪，但其他人是不能的，否则就是僭越。
……

(不知道什么地方讯）
　　　这名28岁传奇女子，化名叫张爱党，据悉样貌漂亮、身材标致、气质高雅。奇女子自小因家贫被迫辍学，在18岁那年，她来到沂水县城当酒店服务员，可是被老板强奸，随后为了供妹妹上学，无奈在县城里的洗浴城卖淫。
　　
　　　　1998年开始，张女便不断义助家乡的辍学孩童重回校园，历年帮助了300小孩，县城里的民众获悉之后都表示钦佩。而她在2002年投资开设的洗浴城，生意也特别好，公安也从不找她的麻烦。只可惜碍于其身份关系，多年有不少传媒想将她的义举公诸于世，但是始终无法成事。
　　
　　　　对此，她说：“现在各级领导和领导的家属都对我关怀备至，经常来关照我的生意，我还有什么好怨恨呢？做人，要懂得感恩。”
　　
　　　　网易论坛的网友对张女有赞有弹，有人甚至质疑有关张女传闻的真实性。也有网民语带双关说：“她这一生犯的第二个错（第一个是卖淫），就是入党。

g附：这个“语带双关”四个字真tmd大煞风景啊。

徐兴业--金瓯缺

东京人引以自豪的见多识广特别表现在他们对战争的无知上——在抽象领域中自命为最渊博的人，在实际生活中往往最无知。东京人夸耀他们在市场上看见过的各种 加工装饰的武器甲马，他们看见过挎刀带剑的军官们在城门口进进出出，还有，他们在官家的卤簿(注：官家的仪仗队）中见识过连人带马都披上铠甲的所谓“具装 甲骑”，据说合天下都没有这样精锐的骑兵部队，他们还在“讲史”场中听到说话人讲“三分”，讲“残唐五代”有关的战争故事。这些就是他们对于战争的全部知 识了。东京的上层人物和绝大多数的中层居民并不真正明白。或者是不想认真弄明白战争究竟是什么。他们既没有从积极的方面来理解它，为它作出精神和物质上的 准备，也没有从消极的方面想过它可能给他们带来什么、或将迫使他们改变什么？他们对于传闻得来的战争的消息，第一个敏捷的反应就是把它当作一件新鲜玩意 儿，当作一个最新加添出来的娱乐节目，当作一种掺和在日常生活中醇冽可口的美酒嘉酿。总之，轻飘飘的东京人不可能持有与战争相适应的刚毅沉着的观念。如果 说，他们中间也有少数人想得远些，想到战争不一定是那么轻松愉快，可能有一天会像个不速之客那样挑一担愁苦的礼物，登门前来拜访他们，那么它仍然也是遥远 的事情。从现在开始到战争爆发，时间上还有几个月的余裕，从东京到前线，空间上还有一千多里地的距离，何必过早地、过逞地就为它操起心来？东京人对于时 间、空间的概念，一向采取现实的态度，只限于此时和此地。

Actual Sports Comments Made On The Air

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria, I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" -- Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him." -- New Zealand rugby commentator

"This is a really lovely horse. I once rode her mother." -- Ted Walsh - horse racing commentator

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." -- Winston Bennett

"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players to balance things up and give the team some brains and common sense." -- Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991)

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." -- Murray Walker - FI racing commentator

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and mother." -- Greg Norman

"Sure, there have been deaths in boxing but none of them serious." -- Alan Minter

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." -- Terry Venables

"I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." -- Ron Atkinson

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." -- Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977)

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." -- Metro Radio

"One of the reasons Arnie is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. ... Oh my God! What have I just said?!!!" -- US PGA commentator

　后来团城山开发区公安分局知道这个信息（大泉路是开发区分局的辖区），也经常去抓；抓得人多了，收获就越来越少了。因为黄石的有车单位或者说爱开车出来做爱的人都几乎被这样抓过了，所以我在肖铺乡派出所里的时候，和同事们去大泉路的收获并不大，大概去五次才能捉一对回来罚款。在我记忆中，我抓到过一次政协领导的司机跟领导儿媳在车内通奸的事，由此可见，领导公车私用带来的问题有可能是：司机与领导家人不是一家亲如一家。

----吴幼明 警察回忆录

前路迢迢
　　
　　特德 蒋
　　
　　这是一个警告。请仔细阅读。
　　
　　至此，你应该已经见过预言器了；读到此文时，它的销量已是数以百万计。为尚未有幸目睹的人介绍一下：它是个小小的装置，同开车门的遥控器差不多。外形上看，它只有一个按钮和一个硕大的绿色发光二级管。你揿按钮，绿灯闪亮。唯一特出之处是灯会在你揿按钮前一秒钟亮起。
　　
　 　大多数人说刚上手的时候就好像是在玩某个奇怪的游戏，目标是在看见闪光之后揿按钮，容易得很。但是当你起意去打破规则的时候，却会发现无法做到。如果你 打算在看见闪光前揿按钮的话，闪光立刻就会出现，而且无论你的动作有多快，也无法在一秒钟过完之前揿按钮。如果你想等待闪光，意图避免事后揿按钮，那么闪 光便永远不会出现。无论你做什么，闪光总是先于揿按钮。你无法愚弄预言器。
　　
　　预言器的核心是一个负延时电路——它向过去发送信号。当负延时可以大于一秒钟以后，这项技术的深层内涵会变得更加清楚。近在眼前的问题是预言器正在展示根本不存在自由意志这种东西。
　　
　　早已存在许多证据说明自由意志只是幻觉，有些基于严密的物理学，有些仅是纯然的逻辑推理。多数人虽觉得这些证据无法反驳，但却无法真的接受其中结论。享有自由意志的经验不是一条证据可以说服的。真能起作用的是一个展示，预言器所提供的正是这个。
　　
　 　很典型的事情，一个人会带了强迫性地把玩预言器好几天，将它展示给朋友们，绞尽脑汁去瞒骗装置。人们或可假装对它失去兴趣，但没有人会忘记个中涵义—— 在接下来的几个礼拜中，未来无法改变，这意念深入脑海。有些人，意识到他们的抉择毫无意义，从此拒绝再做任何决定。就仿佛一整个军团的录事巴特比[1]似 的，他们不再进行任何自发性活动。到头来，三分之一的预言器玩家都必须入院治疗，因为他们连已经无法自己进食。终极状态是运动不能性缄默 [2]，醒状昏迷的一种。他们的眼球能追踪动作，他们会偶尔改变姿势，但仅是这些。运动能力依然存在，但动机却已消失。
　　
　　人 们开始玩预言器之前，运动不能性缄默非常罕见，是脑干上升激活系统部分破坏所致。现在它正仿佛一种认知瘟疫般蔓延。人们曾经想象过能够毁灭思考者的念头， 某些无法言谕的洛夫克拉夫特式的恐怖，或是某个哥德尔[3]式句子令人类的逻辑系统崩溃。结果让人们丧失能力的念头却是我们都已经遭遇过的：自由意志并不 存在的想法。直到你相信它，它才是能够伤人的。
　　
　　医生竭力在患者还对说话尚存反应时与之辩论。我们都曾过着幸福、有活力的生 活，他们说理道，那时候我们也没有自由意志。所以，有什么改变了呢？“上个月你的行动不比今天你的行动更自由，”医生也许这样说。“现在你还是可以那样过 日子啊。”患者总是回答道，“但现在我知道了。”有些人就此再未开口。
　　
　　有人争论说预言器在行为方面导致的改变恰能说明我们的确拥有自由意志。机器人无法灰心丧气，只有能够自由思考的实体才可以。有人坠入运动不能性缄默有人没有，这正说明了做出选择的重要性。
　　
　　不幸的是，如此的说理却是有误失的：各种形态的应激行为都与决定论相一致。一个动态系统可能落入吸引域[4]或绕定点卷拢，而另一个则可能有不确定的混沌表现，但两者都是彻头彻底的宿命论。
　　
　 　我正在你的未来一年之后向你发送这个警告：它是兆秒级负延时电路首次应用于建立通讯设备后收到的第一个长信息。其他的消息将随之而来，指出别的问题。我 给你的信息是这样的：假装你拥有自由意志。重点是你必须得表现出你的决定能起作用的样子，即便你知道事实绝非如此。现实并不重要，重要的是你相信什么，而 相信谎言是唯一避免醒态昏迷的方法。人类文明现在维系于自我欺骗上。也许一向如此。
　　
　　我还知道一件事情，因为自由意志是个幻觉，那么谁将坠入运动不能性缄默谁将不坠入是已被注定了的。关于这个，谁也无能为力——你无法选择预言器对你会起何种作用。有人将倒下，有人将不，而我送出这个警告也无法改变两者比例。那么，我为什么还要送出呢？
　　
　　因为我并无选择。
　　
　 　[1] Bartleby the Scrivener，梅尔维尔（Herman Melville）的同名短篇小说中的人物。巴特比是华尔街法律事务所里一个生活平板、宛如游魂般的抄写员，日以继夜不停地抄写，拒绝任何变化与沟通，不 论人家要他做什么，他只是不停地重复，“I would prefer not to.”，到最后甚至拒绝进食，结果就死了。
　　[2] akinetic mutism，病人觉醒状态降低，缄默不语，不能运动，大小便失禁，但定向反应存在，植物神经反应可正常，疼痛部分消失，仍保留吞咽、咀嚼反射，常有去大脑强直。
　　[3] Gödel，一般被认为是亚里士多德以来最伟大的逻辑学家。哥德尔设计过许多逻辑悖论，有些的确拥有毁灭心智的能力。
　　[4] Basin of attraction，或译吸引盆、吸引槽，由位于趋近于一给定吸引子的轨道上的所有点所组成的集合构成。

g附，这是那头理科生鼹鼠推荐的。

空气上的声音
　　万晓利/文
　　整个下午，屋子里都很安静，尤其是在五六点的时候。不管有没有阳光斜射进来，我大都坐在床边，低头弹琴。偶尔抬起头，隔着阳台的玻璃看看西边的天空，乌云或落日。这时候我能清楚的听到房间里流动着的空气的声音。
　　老婆在厨房准备饭菜发出的叮铃当啷，女儿放学回来在门外转动钥匙随之一声巨响的关门声,经常会把我从一个易碎的泡沫幻景中拽回来，紧接着便是她俩叽叽喳喳的对话或争吵。这些声音驾在空气之上，洒落在我的琴声之中，熟悉的让我几乎都听不到。
　　通常是这样的。
　　幸亏有电脑，还有那点不罢休的激情。有一次我录下了这一切。回放时我呆住了：那“砰”的一声关门所产生的回响，简单而令人回味的一问一答，和着我那近乎于单音的吉他，形成了一个饱满的声场，空间感巨大……让我不得不沉醉在里面。我闻到了一股小时候自己那床红色棉被的味道。一种回去的感觉，一种彻底的安全与温暖，像是没有经过耳朵，直接从心底冒了出来。
　　不用多说，我被融化了。并且，再也不想回过神儿来。
　　这也是作为一个音乐爱好者的败兴之处吧，很容易就会迷恋上一个空间，一种声响，进而忘记现实。当然，反过来讲也对，是音乐让我再一次感知了生活。感谢音乐。
　　必须反过来讲。
　　所以，终究还是要回去的，到村落，到田野，到山顶，实在不行就在家里……谁都知道，你把生活给弄丢了。
　　所以，不得不遗憾那些个焦燥不安的日子，不仅没有感受到这真实而细致的恩赐，而且空虚度了无数好时光，伤神，伤身……
　　唯一值得骄傲的是女儿学习成绩一直很好，是班里的前几名。要考试了，这时她正在复习英语，高声念道：我一点都不喜欢流行音乐；学习语法很重要；我们应该学会能通过忘记来解决问题……一遍中文一遍英文，一遍又一遍……
　　隔着客厅我听的清清楚楚。

那年你决定朝北而去

作者：凤凰与七
发布时间：2003-12-19 11:30:25

……(前略)

马各出国以后，我开始漫漫习惯没有爱人的日子。

在阳朔西街，好多同事给女朋友买一件连衣裙，黄色的，上面有浅浅的花，走的时候，不大不小的雨，想起了心爱的马各，忽然发了神经，也带我去买衣服 吧，竟是遍寻不获，回程的路上遇了两场雨，一滴一滴的砸在头顶上象是吉他上滚动的手指，紧密而清晰，后来大雨滂沱象是水龙头冲洗车窗刷刷地响，我缩在两个 人的座位里面往外看,想起那些誓言和汗水，难过地要命

2002年我开始疯狂地出差，每一次回来，每一次从飞机落地，人那么多，他们总是迫不及待地打开手机，他们说我到了，他们说我刚下飞机，他们说我吃 过饭了，他们说大概半个小时后到家，他们说雨大了拿把伞来接我吧，然后他们拿了行李，静静地向前移动，而我总是烦躁不安，拿起手机翻阅通讯录上的名字，一 个个象锥子一样冰冷象锥子一样划开皮囊，直指悲伤。

别人的幸福司空见惯，我却不能习以为常。因为我曾经知道幸福的细节，以及幸福的来由。

交談 by 夏宇
1.聽說住在北極的人們，他們交談的方式是這樣的：他們誰也聽不到誰，因為漫天漫地淹過來的風雪，他們只好把彼此凍成雪塊的聲音帶回去，開一盆爐火，慢慢的烤來聽。
那必是有關魚獲量、關於馴鹿、雪難的話題，以及關於該在海豹皮下提煉百分之幾的油脂製作蠟燭，才能預防燭火在長夜裡被凍成金黃色的花。也許還討論什麼優生學的計畫，因為純種的愛斯基摩人似乎越來越少了。
火焰一舌一舌的舔舐它們，使它們溶解。他們溝通並且瞭解。跟人家聊天的時候，老想起這則電視上看來的，被自己詩化而不再有它原始的、誇大逗笑功能的笑話。
這裡是亞熱帶，而且是春天，我們不幸面對面，站成一種必須聊天的姿勢，公園裡一篷一篷的不見得比我更耐煩的杜鵑；我想像不出愛斯基摩人他們彼此不同意的時候怎麼辦；憤怒的雪塊、爭吵的雪塊；他們戀愛時的雪塊，一定要好幾盆爐火才聽得完。這裡是亞熱帶，比起極地的人，似乎更容易交通些，大概也更容易彼此同意；一首歌轉到哪一台都有人唱，街頭唱街尾唱，計程車裡都唱，每個人那些「啊！」的尾音尤其要命的像。看連續劇時更容易統治了，永遠緊張懸疑下期才能分解，永遠跟你的著急契合無間。
亞熱帶，春天，到處看見人光著胳膊指天畫地的聊，一篷一篷的杜鵑霸里霸氣的開著。愛斯基摩的孩子們，他們或許覺得，生活只是幾捆柴火罷了的那種數學問題。

(下略）

诺皋记　　(《酉阳杂俎》)
贞元中，望苑驿西有百姓王申，手植榆于路傍成林，构茅屋数椽，夏月常馈浆水于行人，官者即延憩具茗。有儿年十三，每令伺客。忽一日，白其父： “路有女子求水。”因令呼入。女少年，衣碧襦，白幅巾，自言：“家在此南十余里，夫死无儿，将适马嵬访亲情，丐衣食。”言语明悟，举止可爱。王申乃留饭之，谓曰： “今日暮夜可宿此，达明去也。”女亦欣然从之。其妻遂纳之后堂，呼之为妹。倩其成衣数事，自午至戌悉办。针缀细密，殆非人工。王申大惊异，妻犹爱之，乃戏曰：“妹既无极亲，能为我家作新妇子乎？”女笑曰：“身既无托，愿执粗井灶。”王申即日赁衣贳礼为新妇。其夕暑热，戒其夫：“近多盗，不可辟门。”即举巨椽捍而寝。及夜半，王申妻梦其子披发诉曰：“被食将尽矣。”惊欲省其子。王申怒之：“老人得好新妇，喜极呓言耶！”妻还睡，复梦如初。申与妻秉烛呼其子及新妇，悉不复应。启其户，户牢如钉，乃坏门。阖才开，有物圆目凿齿，体如蓝色，冲人而去。其子唯余脑骨及发而已……

关于故事
by nostalgia

(前略)
我一直在讲故事。

当然所有的故事都无可避免的是一种回忆，因为在过去、现在、和将来三者之间我们能够讲述的只有过去——将来还没有发生，说来说去的顶多是一些臆想，而现在这个时间概念又是转瞬即逝，要多短有多短，想起大学一个教微积分贫嘴老头的忠告：证明题不管会不会做先写上“对于任意一个ε，总能找到δ……”，就在我们说“现在”这两个字的同时，它已经成为过去了。

越说越像一个哲学问题了，我同情那些说起哲学就喋喋不休的人。

爱因斯坦在怀念一位死去的朋友的时侯说：“像我们相信物理的人都知道，过去、现在、以及将来的区别只不过是一种固执的幻想而已。”

我一直想给你讲这个故事。

谁也架不住衙内耍流氓
by 和菜头

林冲，大宋京都卫戍区高级教官。虽然只是个少校，但是大宋京都卫戍区八十万禁军都是他的学生。声望很高但是实权很小，估计以前是念黄埔的。按说以林少校的地位和身份，在我大宋的首都那也算一号人物。只消在马头上绑个“甲”字，就可以在京都里任何一个路口闯红灯，双实线并马。别的不说，我历次看《水浒传》，从来没见林教头去大相国寺的时候买过门票。这样的人物，应该够牛逼了吧？但是和高逑家的高衙内相比之下，林少校就逊多了。高衙内死活要上林冲的老婆一把，高逑高太尉经过一番心理斗争居然也就同意了。后来的人都批判高太尉专权跋扈，溺爱子女。其实，高老心里也不好受哇！老高和小林一殿为臣，君君臣臣父父子子，他和林少校都是皇上的儿子，也就是兄弟关系。如今，自己而儿子要爬婶子，实属乱伦。但是一想到自己多年来忙于公务，没有给自己的孩子一个温暖的童年。在愧疚之情的折磨下，高老最终还是默许了儿子的以意愿。在我们这些旁观者的眼里看来，林冲虽然牛逼，但是架不住高衙内耍流氓，两口子加一鲁智深再算上一群大相国寺菜园的蛊惑仔，依然抵挡不住高衙内高歌猛进、催枯拉朽的强奸攻势。最后，林冲和老婆离婚，用法律手段规避了绿帽子的嫌疑。高衙内要奸也是奸林冲同志的前妻，结果林夫人拿到休书就逆转经脉，自断心脉而死。至于说林冲后来在梁山娶了七个老婆，七个老婆集体来月经他那天也会偶而想起前妻，不过那都是后话了。反正看《水浒》的时候，林冲本来疑似英雄，但是逼死了老婆这一段让我对他的印象大打折扣。这也从另外一个方面说明了高衙内的可怖。

(下略)

g附：啊，关于标题，为了避免误会，我忍不住想要废话一下。但废话了半天发现越说越拧，我还不如什么都不说呢。

The text of the poem follows:

<>!*''#
^"'$$-
!*=@$
%*<>~#4
&[]../
{,,SYSTEM HALTED

The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, as follows:

Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Pipe curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.

［原文］夫人之相与，俯仰一世。或取诸怀抱，晤言一室之内；或因寄所托，放浪形 骸之外。虽趣舍万殊，静躁不同，当其欣于所遇，暂得于己，快然自足，曾不知老之将 至。及其所之既倦，情随事迁，感慨系之矣。向之所欣，俯仰之间，已为陈迹，犹不能 不以之兴怀。况修短随化，终期于尽。古人云：“死生亦大矣！”岂不痛哉！ 　　　　
［译文］与老婆在一起，一辈子干的无非就是躺着、趴着之事。有时候把她揽在怀 中，在卧室里说说悄悄话；有时候穷极无聊，找点寄托，就纵情云雨了。虽然我们的兴 奋点不一样，比如她喜欢慢一点而我却猴急猴躁的，但只要我们亲密接触，都无比兴 奋。当那短暂的销魂一刻来到，我们是多么的满足，从不觉得自己都已经老了。 当然，夫妻在一起呆久了，难免会有审美疲劳，难免会对那事产生厌倦。有时候心 情不好，就更不想做那事了，这时候相互难免会有一些感慨、抱怨。从前我们乐此不疲 的事情——也就是夫妻躺着趴着之事，现在怎么那样无趣了呢？难道哪一切真的过去 了，都成为往事了吗？真是韶华易逝，青春难再啊。 其实出现这样的情况也是正常的。人生苦短，何况人的寿命还要受很多外来因素的 影响，如不注意，会死得更早。古人说：“死生也是人生一件大事啊！”如果老是沉迷 夫妻之事中，把身体搞垮了，把命搭上了，那不是很痛苦的事情吗？

六旬农妇酷爱读书能背写越剧《红楼梦》剧本
大连晚报 本报讯 “你把《红楼梦》里不论哪段对话挑出来，我都能告诉你是谁说的！”此语出自大连湾街道毛茔村一位普通的65岁农家妇女口中。这位农妇名叫夏青，她的父母虽说是农民，却都念过私塾略有文化。受父母的影响夏青自幼就喜欢读书，曾以全镇第二的成绩小学毕业，当她满怀憧憬准备升入中学时，却被一场大病断了求学路。
一个偶然，夏青在家中找到一本无头无尾残破不堪的《千家诗》，就是这本书，成了她古典文化的启蒙者。旧体诗词可以说是夏青的酷爱，可就是弄不懂，“要是能有人教教就好了”，可周围都是大老粗，哪找这样的老师呀！正在头疼着急时，她突然获知一个消息：长春艺术馆办唐宋诗词函授班。那时夏青每天工分只有一两角钱，可在学习上她绝对舍得投资。夏青马上在全国几万名学生中脱颖而出，她的每篇作业都被评为优秀。第一期的学习通讯上登出九位学员的作品，其中就有她的一篇《荷花赋》。采访中她即兴为记者朗诵一段：“和风徐徐，柳丝低垂，碧波轻荡，蓝天倒映，肥绿之中，半露出薄荷粉面......”那沉浸在文学气息中的陶醉真的让她散发出一种美。
当同龄的女孩们纷纷嫁了人，提亲的也踩破了她家的门槛，可夏青就是不点头。原来，她早有要求在先：“我的丈夫必须要有文化，少了这条免谈！”这个尺度卡住了不知多少男青年。于是这一等就是二三十年，直到她42岁，终于等来了一位志同道合的伴侣。先生杜鸣虽然是位工人，却颇有文化底蕴，而且同样的爱书如命。
夏青说，看过的书不计其数，可最爱看的还是《红楼梦》，早在1964年，她就攒钱买了《红楼梦》，这么多年了百读不厌，总觉得越看越有嚼头。她自信地说：“你把《红楼梦》里不论哪段对话挑出来，我都能告诉你是谁说的！”早些年看越剧《红楼梦》，她竟试着将台词剧本都完整地写了出来，几乎一字不差。


2006-08-05 11:07:51　新浪网友 IP:221.221.35.*
胡同口第七家
小五子的三大爷
会默写金平梅
不知啥事
进去过一年

1992 Idylls

1995 Ardor

1997 Ever

1998 Flux

2000 Temporal: A Collection of Music Past and Present

g附：前天4块钱淘到了一张二手的ever，于是lsd所有专辑就收全了。

凯尔盖朗王国

一封来自代办的信:

欢迎访问我们的网页! 作为驻华(全权）大使, 我很荣兴地能在这里向您介绍我们的国家, 文化及政府。

凯尔盖朗王国是位于南印度洋中的一组火山岛。主要分为Crozet,Magenta，Marison,Novara等小岛。早在18世纪由法国航海家Yves de Kerguelon 所发现。曾先后被法，英，德等国占领。直至1995年，法国由于种种原因，撤离了凯尔盖朗岛。同年的11月，被前丹麦皇室成员Robert Gustav Christian Zachariah 宣布成立凯尔盖朗王国。目前已被多个联合国成员国承认其主权和建立了大使级的外交关系。 同时，联合国也对我们保持着一定的非正式关系。所以，在不久的将来，凯尔盖朗王国是必将成为一个举世瞩目的新天地。

谢谢您的支持!

您忠诚的，

Hon. Jay Tony Chou
凯尔盖朗王国外交代办

——————————————————————

签证:

如果你是中国公民,需签证后才可进入凯尔盖朗王国。费用如下:

一个月以下: 人民币两百元。
一个月至三个月: 人民币二百五十元。
长期居留权:$ 65 或同值的人民币。请致电或E-MAIL我办事处。

——————————————————————

入籍及移民:

我们也同时受理入籍及移民的服务, 如向王国进行小额的投资, 您便可在5-6周内得到入籍资格及护照。而且凯尔盖朗的护照可以进入全球一百多个国家。同时也是保护你的隐私，人权的可靠方式。详情请和我办事处联系: Kerguelon_consulate@yahoo.com
Tel: 86-13041661036(周一至周四上午10:00-下午2:30)

——————————————————————

代办简历: http://expage.com/kerguelonambassador

希望您能再次光临！

——————————————————————

原址：http://www.expage.com/kerguelon

g附：为保持本博前述岛国计划的伟大复兴的纯洁性唯一性以及排他性，本g已派公路前去对此凯尔盖朗王国提出法律诉讼。

2001-10-18 12:07:27 sonnet
大姨妈又来了

2001-10-19 12:06:48 gag se
是不是你引来的？


刚好收到小阮的信

在树上的男爵已经全校对完了
(通过服务器中转)

2001-10-18 12:09:05 sonnet
是么？看来是小软引来的

2001-10-19 12:09:07 gag se
估计是刚才我们说“进”太多，结果进不了


现在好象好了
(通过服务器中转)

2001-10-18 12:11:04 sonnet
我们换个话题说引

2001-10-19 12:10:26 gag se
我刚好又想到一个进ft


引啊，这个难一点

2001-10-18 12:12:33 sonnet
要么就说出，这个更难

2001-10-19 12:11:46 gag se
可以不说人名的嘛

2001-10-18 12:13:51 sonnet
刘智远白兔记..........

2001-10-19 12:13:23 gag se
ft,什么东西来的

2001-10-18 12:15:47 sonnet
是一道西餐菜名

2001-10-19 12:15:20 gag se
听见就倒胃口

恩，玩什么，你划出道来吧

2001-10-18 12:18:22 sonnet
——————————————————————————————
—— —— —— —— —— —— —— —— ——
———————————————————————————————

我们就说道

2001-10-19 12:17:07 gag se
en,你先请



2001-10-18 12:19:40 sonnet
道就是逵，我就说李逵

2001-10-19 12:19:26 gag se
shit,偶怎么在木棉发不了帖子

你封了偶？




2001-10-18 12:21:19 sonnet
mi有啊，怎么可能捏

2001-10-19 12:20:21 gag se
算了，不发了


贾逵

2001-10-18 12:22:30 sonnet
钟馗

2001-10-19 12:22:20 gag se
ft

2001-10-18 12:24:38 sonnet
哈哈，五代三朝元老冯道老先生

2001-10-19 12:23:38 gag se
贾似道

又一贾

2001-10-19 12:24:38 gag se
马逵,宋画家

2001-10-18 12:26:34 sonnet
不是马远么？

2001-10-18 12:26:59 sonnet
戴逵，东晋画家

2001-10-19 12:25:31 gag se
三兄弟

2001-10-19 12:26:22 gag se
陈鸿逵. 　　我国植物病理学的奠基人

2001-10-18 12:28:44 sonnet
蒋子道，我外表叔，哈哈

2001-10-19 12:27:49 gag se
ft


孙逵,多情剑客无情剑里一条sb

2001-10-18 12:29:50 sonnet
李政道，哼唧，大奖得主

2001-10-19 12:29:09 gag se
我打个电话给edda说件事先

2001-10-19 12:29:43 gag se
郭逵,宋人

2001-10-18 12:31:18 sonnet
她也得奖了？

2001-10-19 12:30:10 gag se
没有。快了

2001-10-18 12:32:04 sonnet
ft啊

2001-10-19 12:30:57 gag se
刁逵,跟刘裕赌钱的人

2001-10-18 12:32:53 sonnet
李庆逵，土壤专家

2001-10-19 12:33:58 gag se
ft,我刚想说这个

2001-10-18 12:35:46 sonnet
哈哈哈

2001-10-19 12:34:30 gag se
张逵啦，大名人

2001-10-19 12:36:38 gag se
范逵,恩，晋人

2001-10-18 12:38:48 sonnet
包道成，水浒里的妖人，属明教方腊属下

2001-10-19 12:39:53 gag se
这个不算。要最后一个字

2001-10-18 12:42:07 sonnet
李道，同上，属王庆手下

2001-10-19 12:41:00 gag se
宁逵，梁、陈之时任安州（即钦州）剌史

2001-10-18 12:42:57 sonnet
我靠，老乡啊，5555

2001-10-19 12:42:02 gag se
老乡见老乡，背后捅一枪

2001-10-18 12:45:04 sonnet
封神五岳山神之一高逵

2001-10-19 12:44:33 gag se
王进逵,5代武陵人

2001-10-18 12:47:35 sonnet
杨逵，著名台湾作家

2001-10-18 12:48:35 sonnet
鲍文逵，清代文人

2001-10-19 12:47:37 gag se
我觉得这个太容易了，没啥挑战性

2001-10-18 12:49:28 sonnet
来个难点的？怎么来？

2001-10-19 12:48:23 gag se
en,换一个吧

2001-10-18 12:50:56 sonnet
呼哧

2001-10-19 12:49:37 gag se
正在叫收费随便想一个

2001-10-18 12:51:32 sonnet
我正和她讨论什么什么姑的问题

2001-10-19 12:51:12 gag se
河仙姑？

2001-10-18 12:53:05 sonnet
是冬菇

2001-10-19 12:52:22 gag se
有毒，小心

2001-10-18 12:54:32 sonnet
冬菇又毒？我还以为只有尼姑菜五毒惧全呢

2001-10-19 12:53:34 gag se
这年头连萝卜都靠不住啊。


她没思路

2001-10-18 12:56:01 sonnet
她在和我讨论死路上的出租车司机开 不开收据的问题

2001-10-19 12:57:24 gag se
很专业嘛

你认为开不开呢

2001-10-18 12:59:28 sonnet
我认为要开，不然我会不给小费

2001-10-19 13:00:00 gag se
ft,小费？

有这等好事

2001-10-18 13:02:00 sonnet
kick ，不给liao

2001-10-19 13:01:32 gag se
你总得留下点东西吧

2001-10-18 13:03:29 sonnet
头毛一根

2001-10-19 13:06:28 gag se
是不是偶到时候叫一声鼹鼠大圣对那毛吹一口气你就会出来

2001-10-18 13:08:37 sonnet
恩，到时你就会发现有更多的毛落到你手中

2001-10-19 13:07:44 gag se
原来你就是传说中的毛发毛天

2001-10-18 13:09:57 sonnet
失礼失礼，正是不才打伞和尚

2001-10-19 13:13:00 gag se
官府抓的就是你，看刀

2001-10-18 13:16:37 sonnet
这刀不错，什么牌子，是不是阳江十八子，好，我看过啦，老兄可以走了
干嘛？喂喂拿刀姿势不正确，怎么，你看你看砍着我了，我说你姿势不正确嘛，这样砍到小孩子怎么办，你还砍，我还没说完你就...哎哟

2001-10-19 13:16:07 gag se
哼哼。偶天天上山砍老鼠练成一身绝世武功……

2001-10-18 13:19:24 sonnet
世称屠鼠刀客的是不是你..........好哇，我找你好久了，你看着.......
（伸手递来一只老鼠）帮我给它削削毛

2001-10-19 13:18:21 gag se
想理发的请去外面挂号排队

2001-10-18 13:20:35 sonnet
我是想刮胡子

2001-10-19 13:19:36 gag se
女宾部请

2001-10-18 13:21:42 sonnet
是上面的那撇.........

2001-10-19 13:20:54 gag se
我们只帮女宾刮胡子

2001-10-18 13:23:26 sonnet
难怪最近街头这么多秃眉mm.........

2001-10-19 13:22:39 gag se
恩，怎么样，去排队吧

2001-10-18 13:25:33 sonnet
前面那位大妈，您让一让好吗，哦认错了，大婶，哦对不起大姨，还不对？大哥...........

2001-10-19 13:24:59 gag se
想打尖？没门，后面排队去，你的号码是17317317324

2001-10-18 13:27:51 sonnet
劳驾，这里是卖什么di？

2001-10-19 13:26:59 gag se
卖人口顺便去毛

2001-10-18 13:28:59 sonnet
先去再卖还是卖了自去

2001-10-19 13:30:50 gag se
两可，价钱绝对公道

2001-10-18 13:32:42 sonnet
来一斤毛

2001-10-19 13:31:41 gag se
现在是午休时间，暂停营业

2001-10-18 13:33:53 sonnet
我等，笨.拉凳来

2001-10-19 13:33:06 gag se
不好意思，清场，请下次再来

师傅要吃饭了

2001-10-18 13:35:51 sonnet
来人哪，发滥砟

2001-10-19 13:34:59 gag se
有随地大小便者，没收工具

2001-10-18 13:37:31 sonnet
《工具论》证明，污染环境的工具在地上，自己动手拣

2001-10-19 13:36:20 gag se
不说

88

吃饭

2001-10-18 13:38:16 sonnet
88,喝粥去

2001-10-10 12:43:03 gag se
前文再续，书接上一回

话说商籁拿出一条……

2001-10-09 12:44:49 sonnet
内窟？

2001-10-10 12:44:51 gag se
不知道为何物，鼹鼠想以此抵赖赌帐，却招来众人一顿好打

2001-10-09 12:46:55 sonnet
咳，不怕，我有金刚内窟神

2001-10-10 12:47:40 gag se
再说众人打了半天，见没有什么反映，以为出了人命，仔细一看，只见鼹鼠居然躺在地上睡着了，毫发无损。gag当场道，这家伙有金刚内苦，不怕打。于是世界咯咯说，看我破它！

2001-10-09 12:49:53 sonnet
我靠，不要那个e人来破我的铜子身，换个娘们来

2001-10-10 12:49:56 gag se
事到临头，也由不得你了。只听世界咯咯大喝道。它一把脱下身上衣裳，来一招霸王硬上弓。

2001-10-09 12:52:23 sonnet
只听喀擦一声，众人只见世界咯咯一脸愕然

2001-10-10 12:52:36 gag se
世界咯咯惨叫道：好好，你来个玉石俱焚啊。既然你弄断了**（略去n字），我也要让你**（略去n字），兄弟们上啊，我破了它的内苦了！

2001-10-09 12:55:22 sonnet
只听鼹鼠一声冷笑，叫道：“谁敢上来？！就得帮我洗....”

2001-10-10 12:55:38 gag se
话音没落，众人掏出**，齐齐撒尿

2001-10-09 12:58:14 sonnet
突然众人中一个叫gag的掉转头对其他人说：“奇怪，怎么我脚下又热又湿？”

2001-10-10 12:57:27 gag se
原来鼹鼠下体受到尿攻，已经变成一堆脓水，冒着热气

2001-10-09 13:00:33 sonnet
鼹鼠大叫一声：“你们..........”突然扑哧一声，gag仰头便倒

2001-10-10 13:01:46 gag se
临倒下之前，gag掏出一颗药丸吃下，立刻生龙活虎地起来了。只听它说：无鸡白疯丸的确使得。治香港脚确有疗效

2001-10-09 13:04:49 sonnet
话音未落，gag突然感到脚下一痛，低头一看，发现刚才倒地的世界咯咯正
抱着他的大腿猛啃，一边抱怨说：“呸，什么香港脚，这么臭。”

2001-10-10 13:05:21 gag se
正是众人愕然之际，突然听到一声大叫“cut!"原来是气急败坏的导演叫停。它破口大骂：世界咯咯你这笨驴，让你咬鼹鼠啊！

2001-10-09 13:09:04 sonnet
一听这话，半死不活的鼹鼠从地上一跃而起...........欲知后事如何.....喂，后面这位别舔我好不好.......

2001-10-10 13:08:47 gag se
恩，现在是广告时段……先播蛙哈哈广告

2001-10-09 13:10:58 sonnet
休息，休息一会

2001-10-10 13:09:46 gag se
恩，呆会重拍
(通过服务器中转)

“一个固执的自我在一个多变的世界里是如何生存下来的呢？
——冬天靠热汤，夏天靠冷饮。 ”
今天看《走向共和》的时候想起了这句话，实在是对历史极好的阐释啊。
——摘之。

g附：by iksufee，包括标题，我要大喝一声的是，她现在在哪里呢？

作者：gag 　　　发贴时间：2001-01-08 00:00:00.0
整理人：jasonlu 　　整理时间：2001-01-08 00:00:00.0





書名：爵士樂的故事
作者：黎時潮、張清志
出版者：貓頭鷹出版社
出版日期：2000.11
定價：299元
類別：藝術設計


評介/馬世芳﹝文字工作者，「五四三音樂站」music543.com站長﹞

在自序裡，黎時潮這樣說︰「這本書的目的，是想借用一些爵士樂史上的八卦故事，讓不曾接觸過爵士樂的人可以得到一些樂趣！本書的讀者不需要任何音樂知識，應該就可以瞭解作者的意圖。」壯哉斯言！替入門者寫的導覽書，其實永遠是最難取悅讀者的。坊間類似「爵士樂入門」的書並不是沒有，但絕大多數是翻譯書，譯筆又往往甚為可疑；少數本土的爵士導聆書，若非品味與見識均不足以擔起引導新手的重任，便是文筆太差，難以引人入勝。其他不錯的書當然還是有的，像王曙芳的《音樂河》、蘇重的《Jazz What?》，但它們對毫無基礎的新手而言，閱讀門檻又高了些。

於是現在我們有了《爵士樂的故事》，儘管書名像白開水一樣缺乏驚喜，內容卻相當結棍，名副其實。最棒的是，黎時潮聽得夠多，品味識見都有一定的高度，是個夠世故的樂迷，擔當得起引領新手的重任。既然以「故事」為書名，以「樂手八卦」自我標榜，我們當然就會讀到大量類似的這樣的片段︰

「拿到第一筆薪水的艾拉．費茲傑羅（Ella Fitzgerald），忙不迭地來到一家高級牛排館，點了最高級的牛排，因為從來不曾享受過，竟然連吃了三客。」

「如果查理．帕客（Charlie Parker）有一把機關槍，他到街上掃射，一口氣打死一二十個人，那麼他就可以不在演奏音樂了，因為所有的不滿都發洩光了。」

「查特．貝克（Chet Baker）有一次喝醉酒，在酒館裡跟人打架，不小心被打掉了門牙，自此以後他吹奏出來的聲音就有一點漏風……因為缺了牙齒，不能吹得很快，所以他吹出了另一種味道，也可說是酷派的延伸。」

這樣妙趣橫生的小故事、小掌故串綴在整本書裡，成為吸引讀者一頁頁翻下去的動力，有別於其他以樂派或人物誌作章節區隔的爵士樂書籍，《爵士樂的故事》以時序為介紹的軸心，讓重量級人物依次登場，但並沒有變成人名辭典或樂派詳解。從「可讀性」和「親和力」的角度來說，這本書真的很好看，另一位作者張清志功不可沒，因為是他負責把黎時潮的「口述爵士史」整理成有條不紊、清晰曉暢的文字。

然而從編輯的角度來看，這本書的編排不無問題︰書中選出了89張不可不聽的爵士樂推薦名盤，以邊欄的形式散落在各處，唱片的內容卻往往和該頁正文毫無關係，反而造成閱讀的干擾，這是編輯該負的責任。此外，這本全彩印刷的書置入了大量的圖片，玩了許多美編技巧，加上邊欄、框線、襯底的大大小小視覺元素，原本可以一氣呵成、暢快讀完的書，反而被過度包裝的美編效果搞得磕磕絆絆，和文字的氣質不甚搭配，殊為可惜。圖文書的版型應該不只有「素面相見」和「大鳴大放」兩種極端，編輯若能更仔細地經營這本書的閱讀節奏和視覺佈局，多留一點讓讀者呼吸的空間，就更好了。

和影評、藝評、書評相比，樂評，甚至講得再廣一些，「音樂書寫」，在台灣向來都不是文化圈人士的目光焦點，其中非古典音樂的相關著作，又尤其清冷寂寞。《爵士樂的故事》只是一本引介性質的導聆手冊，連樂評都稱不上，然而紮實的、100%土產的內容和好看的文筆，使它成為這片荒瘠土地上的一株綠草。我們絕對需要更多更多這樣的書，慢慢積累，遲早可以匯聚成一片綠洲吧。在那之前，請讀者多多鼓勵用心的作者，這是一條寂寞的路，但總得有人去走。

總之，無論你是求知若渴的認真樂迷、不得其門而入的新手，抑或老鳥級的練家子，《爵士樂的故事》都會是一場過癮、充滿啟發性的閱讀經驗。



----
我的意志不够坚定，当不了英雄，同时又漫不经心和随随便便，也成不了十足的恶棍。
作者：gag【2个g的加速度】
※ 来源: 网易虚拟社区 广州站．

1)
Wanda, do you have any idea what it's like being English? Being so correct all the time? Being so...stifled by this dread of doing the wrong thing? Of saying to someone "Are you married?" and hearing "My wife left me this morning"? Or saying..."Do you have children?" and being told they all burned to death on Wednesday? You see, Wanda, we're all...terrified of embarrassment. That's why we're so... dead. Most of my friends are dead. You know, we have these piles of corpses to dinner. But you're alive, God bless you. And I wanna be. I'm so fed up with all this! I wanna make love with you, Wanda. I'm a good lover. At least...used to be, back in the early 14th century. Can we go to bed?

2)
-Are you totally deranged?
-You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant-twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead asshole!
-How very interesting. You're a true vulgarian, aren't you?
-You're the vulgarian, you fuck! Now apologise!
-What? Me to you?
-Apologise.
-All right, all right. I apologise.
-You're really sorry?
-I'm really really sorry. I apologise unreservedly.
-You take it back?
-I do. I offer a complete retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice. I deeply regret any distress my comments may have caused you or your family. And I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

3)
-Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
-Apes don't read philosophy.
-Yes, they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not every man for himself.The London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes. I looked 'em up.

Simmons' Laws of System Administration

The Definition:

System Administration is the combination of system support and user support.


The First Law of System Administration:

Any rule can be modified by the application of power and policy. By contrast, rules always are subordinate to laws.


The Network Paradox:

System support is a subset of network support. Network support is a subset of system support.


The Laws Of Unanticipated Support Cost:

1. It will always cost more to support a thing than the vendor told you.

2. It will usually cost more to support a thing than to buy it.

3. Sometimes it costs 10x as much to support a thing as it did to buy it.

4. Refusing to support something often results in the thing being unusable.

5. Once it's installed, supporting a thing is sometimes cheaper than not supporting it.

6. Before buying, make sure you're committed to support. But see rule 1.



The Division Between System Support and User Support:

There's a difference between system support and user support. There may be overlap in the two positions; sometimes both are done by the same person. But the two tasks are distinct, and sometimes have conflicting goals.


The Law Of Distributed Talent:

Great system support people often make lousy user support people and vice versa.


The Paradox Of Dual Abilities:

The person good enough to do both system support and user support
will usually be hired away by a shop where the combined tasks are
too large for a single person.


On Complexity And Customization:

Application-to-application differences confuse everyone, especially users and support staff. Ditto UNIX-to-UNIX differences, etc. By contrast, complete consistency completely stifles improvement.

At any given site for any given application or feature, there's
someone who knows more about it than the support staff. Finding
that person is the first step to take to diagnose any given problem.

Time to diagnose and time to fix are fix are completely unrelated.
Sometimes one approaches zero while the other approaches infinity.
This is especially hard to deal with when the diagnostic person and the fix person are not the same.

One person's improved feature is another person's gratuitous change.

Users want applications and systems they can customize.

One user's customization is another user's gratuitous change.


The Laws Of The Cost Of Customization:

The cost of customization is complexity. The cost of complexity is increased difficulty in administration and user support. The cost of increased difficulty in administration and user support is either lower quality of administration and user support, increased support staff, or both. Therefore increased customization means increased cost or lower quality of support or both.


The Paradox Of Unused Customization:

It doesn't matter whether customization has actually been done. The mere fact that it's possible means you must check for it, thereby increasing the cost of problem diagnosis.


Smallwood's Law (Simmons' paraphrase):

They're not users, they're clients. -- Kevin Smallwood


Users Are Human:

The user who says "Can X be done?" is usually really asking "Would someone please do X?". Make sure you answer both questions.

It's human to blame problems on outside causes. By contrast, an
outsider will always suspect the insider as the cause.

The user who says "I didn't change anything" isn't always lying.
Sometimes they're just ignorant or forgetful.

It's more important for users to do their job than to answer the
needs of admins. Unless of course their job is to answer that need.


Admins Are Human:

For every statement in "Users Are Human", change "user" to "admin" and vice-versa.


The "You Broke It" Principle:

Cockpit error is the most common cause of problems. Everybody is
a pilot.


Support Is Overhead:

One way of cutting costs without cutting development staff is by
cutting overhead. System administration and user support are overhead.

User and system admin training are overhead. Not having them increases overhead. Go figure.


The Joy Of Being A Contract System Administrator:

"Sure, we can do that. Here's what it'll cost you."


His Site Isn't Your Site:

The situation at your site doesn't make you qualified to judge the situation at another site, and vice-versa.

Just because someone else's support staff does it mean your staff
can do it. (This statement is subtler than it looks.)


The Rules of Policy and Power:

1. System administration is whatever the boss tells the admins it is.

2. Users will bypass admins to get the boss to tell the admins something different. That's their right.

3. Most system admins live in a policy vacuum. This can be good or bad:

Corollary 1: Power expands to fill a vacuum. That thing which expands most easily is a gas.

Corollary 2: Anything that quickly expanded to fill a vacuum is easily displaced by a solid.

Corollary 3: A rapidly moving solid will hurt you if you're in its way.

4. The person who does your job review makes the rules. The good admins always follow those rules. See Rule 1 and the First Law.

The Summary:
Be careful what you do in that vacuum. Nobody appointed you god.
However, you can always be dis-appointed.


The Laws Of System And Network Growth:

You can always incrementally add one more.

Sometimes the straw breaks the camels back. More often, the
camel just goes slower and slower.

The difficulty of support does not grow linearly with the size of
the site.

Eventually your site outstrips your methods, and you must bite the bullet and move to new methods.

Corollary: Nobody bites the bullet until there's not enough time to do the existing work. At that point there's not enough time to make the changes.

Adding a new kind of computer, operating system, application,
peripheral, etc, has a much higher administrative cost than adding one more of what you've already got.

Corollary 1: If you buy one, you may as well buy ten.

Corollary 2: If you buy ten, you may as well buy eleven and keep one for spare parts.

g附：这真是目前为止最耸人听闻的标题啊。

中文版编辑饭饭指出：
这本书由我的好朋友朱靖江翻译。他时常会在这个blog里留言。这是我第一次接触战争类的书，也是这么些年来第一次一口气读完一本书，第一次了解战争原来充满各种荒诞悲痛的细节，第一次没有因为在编书过程中过多阅读这本书而感到厌烦，第一次愿意把我的工作成果骄傲地公布出来，并且，这是我做的第一本和我的专业——历史——最相关的书。

相关背景：
《滇缅公路》一书，正是关于第二次世界大战期间这方曾被遗忘的丛林战场。矢志于为湮灭的历史拂去尘土，让更多的人记住曾发生于这片土地，由中、缅、印、英、美等国人民共同付出鲜血与泪水的悲壮故事，2002年11月，受美国《国家地理》杂志的委托，资深撰稿人多诺万•韦伯斯特从印度加尔各答启程，穿越缅甸境内的热带丛林，再度踏上这条在二战期间具有重要战略地位的利多公路－滇缅公路（本书译者朱靖江亦应《国家地理》之邀，陪同韦伯斯特共同探访这条战时公路在中国境内的段落），通过沿途极为艰苦的实地考察，多方探访当年的老兵以及修路者，韦伯斯特获取了大量第一手材料，写就了这部非同凡响的史诗故事：《滇缅公路》。2003年下半年此书在美国出版，在曾赴中缅印战区作战的美国老兵当中引起了强烈反响，美国评论界称其为描写中缅印战场最为生动翔实的一部历史作品，“是一部品质卓越的总揽之作”“期待它将会成为下一部《兄弟连》的蓝本”。


中文版读者连岳指出：
这本书我看了一部分，还没看完，看到最有趣的一个细节是，作者列举修筑滇缅公路的牺牲之后（好像是平均一公里要死一个美国大兵），忽然来了这么一句话：滇缅公路修成之日，也就是它被放弃之时。非常黑色。我看改编成《兄弟连》的可能性不大，倒是挺适合伍迪艾伦的——就这个细节而言。

g附：改头像咯。

美国之音记者萧敬/美国之音很多热心的听众朋友通过写信、打电话和发送电子邮件的方式跟我们联系，给我们提出了很多宝贵的意见和建议，有些听众对我们提出了一些要求。在这里，我向这些听众朋友表示衷心的感谢。在这次听众信箱节目里，回答几位听众朋友的问题。

*不能送电脑和汇款*

广西柳州一位姓李的听众朋友给我们发来电子邮件。他写道：“我请求你们帮助我，我需要一台笔记本计算机收听美国之音以及更多的国际新闻，中国正在变革，我要为中国的民主做出我的贡献！我没有钱购买笔记本计算机，只能每次花一元钱到网吧收听美国之音和查看国际新闻。我离不开自由的声音和新闻。你们可以不寄实物的笔记本计算机，你们可以汇1000美元给我，让我在中国购买。”

这位听众朋友坚持不懈地追求真理，立志为中国的民主事业做出自己的贡献，这种精神非常令人赞赏。遗憾的是，按照美国之音的规定，我们不能给这位听众朋友赠送笔记本计算机，也不能汇款。对此我们感到非常抱歉，同时也希望这位听众朋友不要因此而放弃自己的努力和追求。

下略

The Zucker Touch

1. Joke On A Joke.

We never try to do two jokes at the same time. When Leslie Neilson, who plays the role of Lieut. Frank Drebin of the Los Angeles Police Department, delivers a punchline, he always does it straight; he never tries to be funny on top of it. Likewise if there is something going on in the background, the foreground action must be straight and vice versa.

2. Unrelated Background.
A joke happening in the background must be related in some way to the action in the foreground. A good illustration of this rule occurs in "Naked Gun 2.5" as Leslie Neilson complains to George Kennedy over drinks, "Is it just me, Ed, or is the whole world crazy?" As George tries to reassure him that "no, it's just a small percentage of the population," the waiter turns to leave and we see he's naked under his apron. Unfortunately, half the audience fails to notice this because they're still laughing at the silly drink the waiter has brought the lieutenant. This is a blatant violation of the joke-on-a -joke rule but at least now they'll all have to come back to see the movie again.

3. Acknowledgement.
Actors in the foreground must ignore jokes happening behind them. In "Airplane!", Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges engage in an argument, while behind them watermelons crash down from the ceiling and Indian spears thud into the walls. The actors do a fine job of ignoring the spears and watermelons, but because this bit violated Rule number 2 audiences still didn't laugh. All in all a disappointment.

4. Breaking The Frame.
It's usually not a good idea to remind the audience that they're watching a movie. Robert Hays gets away with it in Airplane! after Julia Hagerty scolds him in an early scene. He turns to the camera and complains to the audience about his plight. The movie has to be a strong one to withstand more than one or two of these, because you run the risk of breaking the spell. The suspension of disbelief is of prime importance, much as it was during the Reagan Administration.

5. That Didn't Happen.
Completely defying logic is bad , but something that is on and off the screen so fast that we can get away with it is OK. Example: Robert Stack in Airplane! yells to Lloyd Bridges. "He can't land; they're on instruments!" And of course we cut to the cockpit and four of the actors are playing musical instruments. Seconds later, in the next scene, the saxophone and clarinets have disappeared. If it's done right, no one in the audience will ask where the instruments went.

6. Can You Live With It?
Once a joke is made, it can't be allowed to hang around after the initial laughs, like Gary Hart. In "Naked Gun", Leslie and George are seated in a car, munching pistachio nuts. In the process, their lips and faces get smeared in red. But in the next scene, when Leslie goes snooping in Ricardo Montalban's apartment, he's got to be clean. This rule also applied to personalised licence plates. How long can "HI 2 U" be funny?

7. Axe-grinding.
Belabouring an ideological point past the humour of the joke. We never axe-grind. Except for, well, maybe some environmental stuff. Sometimes.

8. Self-Conscious.
Any jokes about the movie business or comedy itself. A strict no-no, except for an isolated instance in "The Kentucky Fried Movie" where the bad guy listed all his nefarious activities, including "gun-running, drug-trafficking, motion picture distribution..."

9. Trivia.
A joke understood by so few people as to make it not worth the effort. In "Top Secret!" a character during an ambush cries out, "My God, they're going to kill us all!" - an arcane JFK assassination reference. Since the movie's release in 1984, only one person we know of has understood it, not enough to make "Top Secret!" a hit.

10. Straw Dummy.
A hollow set-up for a joke or when the target is fabricated. Even if the joke hits the target who cares? We had an elaborate sequence written for "Naked Gun 2 and a half" involving Leslie being trapped in an oil barrel processing plant but the jokes all depended on machines we made up ourselves in an elaborate and expensive set. Fortunately, Paramount insisted on deleting the scene, saying they needed the money to pay the lawyers.

11. Jerry Lewis.
We don't do anything Jerry Lewis would do. (OK, maybe a telethon, but that's it.)

12. Technical Pizazz.
We don't do lots of car crashes and fancy special effects. Mindless action without a comedy pay-off never works, except at the Democratic National Convention.

13. Piling On.
When a particular target has had enough and it's been used up. In the seventies, Nixon jokes. In the nineties, Quayle jokes.

14. Hanging On.
Knowing when a joke, or a newspaper article, has gone on too long.

15. There are no rules!!

树

周云蓬

树的身体里生满了虫子
虫子的牙和眼睛层层迭迭
好象山下北京城的灯火
树很难受
他多节的手臂
高举一只鸟

树痒痒的无风自动

他咬紧泥土
慢慢地向左
向右
如果把他砍倒
做成一把吉它
琴声一定很揪心

琴会牵引他的主人跋山涉水
无休止地奔走
上辈子密密麻麻的虫子
阴沉地
从身后一路赶上来

版本一：
陈鼓应 译
故事是这样开始的：皇帝下了一道圣旨给你，你这个卑微的子民，在皇帝的阳光之前，退缩到最远地方的无足重视的阴影。皇帝从他那垂死的床上，下了一道只给你一个人的圣旨。他命令那个使者跪在床边，把圣旨轻轻地说给他听；他说了这么多，于是就叫使者把圣旨复说一遍给他听。然后，他把头点了一下，表示这使者复说的都对了。是的，在聚集前来候他驾崩的观者之前——所有阻碍的墙壁都推倒了，在广大的和高高的阶梯上，一行列地站着一群王子——在所有这些人面前，他下达了他的旨意。使者立即踏上他的途程；他是一个有体力，不疲乏的人。一下用右臂推，一下用左臂推，他从人群中为自己推开一条道路来；假使他遇到了阻碍，他就指着自己的胸前，那儿闪耀着太阳的象征；这路，对于他比对于其他的任何人要容易走。但是人群是如此的拥挤，他们的数目无尽止。要是他能到达空旷之处，那他要飞得多么快呀！而无疑的，你就马上会听到他那受欢迎的拳头敲在你门上的声音。但是他虽然用尽力气，他还是在宫内的人群中夺路出去，他永远不会到达这人群的尾端；就算他能成功地到达，结果也是无所收获的；因为他还得再夺路下那个阶梯；就算他也成功了，还是无所收获的，因为还有宫殿要穿过；而穿过宫殿之后则是第二道的外殿；这之后又是阶梯和宫殿；又再是另外一道的宫殿；这样类推下去，要走好几千年；最后，就算他终于冲到最外层的宫门——但是，永远不会，永远不会发生这事情——帝国的首都要横亘在他的面前，那世界的中心，以它本身的废料来填塞出路。没有人能从这里打得开一条路，若要从死人那里带出信息，那是不可能的。——但是，你坐在你的窗前，当夜晚来临，还梦想着这圣旨。

版本二
温仁百 译
你，孤单单的一个可怜的仆人，渺小的影子在皇帝这轮太阳前被甩出老远。所谓的皇帝病入膏盲，从病榻上特意给你传来一个旨意。他让钦差跪在榻前，对着耳朵悄声传授了圣旨。这是一道对皇帝来说至关重要的圣旨，所以，他让钦差对着他的耳朵复述一遍，然后点点头，示意一字不差。所有挡道的屋墙都已被拆除，在硕大无际的台阶上，帝国的大臣们恭立于周围，当着这些探望圣上龙体者的面，皇帝打发钦差上路。钦差随即出发了。他身体健壮，从不知疲倦，两只胳膊交替着拨开人群，开出一条道路。如遇抵抗，他就亮出胸前的太阳标志，于是便畅通无阻，其势无可比拟。然而人群如海，漫无边际，房屋也一望无边。若是遇到一块空地，他巴不得想飞起来，紧接着你可能就听到他的双拳在猛打你的家门。然事非如此。他虽然不停地左冲右突，却怎么也冲不出内宫房屋的包围。他也决不会冲破它们的包围，即便冲出去，也徒劳无获。他必须冲下台阶，而即使成功，也将一无所获。还得穿越那些庭院，庭院之后又有二道皇宫包围，然后复又台阶、庭院以及皇宫，如此以往，以至千年。纵使冲出最后一道门槛——此乃妄想，永不可及——还有皇城横挡于眼前，它乃世界之中心，沉渣堆积如山。没有谁能够越过这个地方，更不用说一个带着死人旨意的人。 ——然而，你却凝坐窗前，在暮色中梦想着那道圣旨的降临。

版本三
by Ian Johnston
(This translation, which has been prepared by Ian Johnston of Malaspina University-College, Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada, is in the public domain and may be used by anyone for any purpose, without permission and without charge, provided the source is acknowledged.)
An Imperial Message
The Emperor—so they say—has sent a message, directly from his death bed, to you alone, his pathetic subject, a tiny shadow which has taken refuge at the furthest distance from the imperial sun. He ordered the herald to kneel down beside his bed and whispered the message in his ear. He thought it was so important that he had the herald speak it back to him. He confirmed the accuracy of verbal message by nodding his head. And in front of the entire crowd of those witnessing his death—all the obstructing walls have been broken down, and all the great ones of his empire are standing in a circle on the broad and high soaring flights of stairs—in front of all of them he dispatched his herald. The messenger started off at once, a powerful, tireless man. Sticking one arm out and then another, he makes his way through the crowd. If he runs into resistance, he points to his breast where there is a sign of the sun. So he moves forwards easily, unlike anyone else. But the crowd is so huge; its dwelling places are infinite. If there were an open field, how he would fly along, and soon you would hear the marvellous pounding of his fist on your door. But instead of that, how futile are all his efforts. He is still forcing his way through the private rooms of the innermost palace. Never will he win his way through. And if he did manage that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to fight his way down the steps, and, if he managed to do that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to stride through the courtyards, and after the courtyards through the second palace encircling the first, and, then again, through stairs and courtyards, and then, once again, a palace, and so on for thousands of years. And if he finally burst through the outermost door—but that can never, never happen—the royal capital city, the centre of the world, is still there in front of him, piled high and full of sediment. No one pushes his way through here, certainly not someone with a message from a dead man. But you sit at your window and dream of that message when evening comes.

版本四
by Donna Freed
A Message from the Emperor
The Emperor, or so they say, has sent you – his single most contemptible subject, the miniscule shadow that has fled the farthest distance from the imperial sun – only to you has the Emperor sent a message from his deathbed. He has had the messenger kneel beside his bed and he has whispered the message to him; so important was this message that he has made him repeat it in his ear. He has confirmed the accuracy of the words with a nod of his head. And then, before all the spectators assembled to witness his death – every wall obstructing the view had been knocked down and on the free-standing, vaulted staircases, all the dignitaries of the empire were gathered in a circle – before them all, he has dispatched the messenger. The messenger sets off at once, a strong and tireless man; sometimes thrusting ahead with one arm, sometimes with the other, he beats a path through the crowds; where he meets resistance, he points to the sign of the sun on his breast, and he forges ahead with an ease that could be matched by no other. But the throng is so thick, there’s no end to their dwellings. If only there were an open field before him, how fast he would fly; soon you would surely hear the glorious rapping of his knock on your door. But instead, how vain his efforts are; he is still only forcing his way through the chambers of the innermost palace; he will never reach the end of them, and even if he did he’d be no closer; he would have to fight his way down the steps, and even if he did he’d be no closer; he would still have to cross the courtyards, and after the courtyards the second, outer palace, and still more stairs and courtyards, and still another palace, and so on for thousands of years, and even if he did finally burst through the outermost gate – but that could never, ever happen – the empire’s capital, the center of the world, flooded with the dregs of humanity, would still lie before him. There is no one who could force his way through here, least of all with a message from a dead man. – But you sit at your window and dream it up as evening falls.
(这个就是我手头的版本，封面很耐看）

老光在《哲学文本》一文中说，你看着信使走得那么辛苦那么滑稽。你不再取笑他，也不再取笑自己——
你坐在你的窗前，
当夜晚来临，
还梦想着这圣旨。
于是，你从一个被抛入这荒诞世界的可怜虫，变成了一位体味诗意的读者。因为你有梦想。

(以下by罗永浩）
理解万岁

全国首届汽车模特大赛名誉主任，全国首届房产模特大赛名誉主任刘忠德老师（对了，刘主任选模特之余，还抽空兼任全国政协常委）近日发表了认为超女应该被取缔的凶狠言论。

刘主任认为超女“毒害了年轻人”，“玷污了艺术”。虽然刘主任的言论明显违反了我国宪法的精神，但是我特别特别特别理解刘主任的感受。我觉得把全国最牛的车模和房产模特都看过了之后，再看那些身材相貌两平平的超女实在是一件让人扫兴的事情。这么扫兴的不取缔，难道取缔那些让人兴致勃勃的性感模特吗？总得取缔点什么吧。要不然要国家机器干嘛用呢？

取缔取缔。

(以下by连岳）
刘忠德传略补正

1964年，苏联《消息报》刊登了一封署名Nikolay Kuritsin的读者来信：

亲爱的编辑同志：
10天前，我去银行办事，排在我前面有五个人。我站了一会儿就听到了太多令人震惊的话。其中有两个人，红光满面，衣冠楚楚……可是他们竟然在公众场合毫不顾忌地交流他们认为的最好的“政治笑话”……我竟然要站在这么低俗粗鄙的人旁边！——他们正在嘲弄我们的伟大国家！没有什么东西可以震摄他们吗？他们挖苦一切美好的价值！我们必须与他们做斗争！是时候了，我们必须在正直的人民面前揭露他们的虚伪、卑下及肮脏！

这封信件使苏联当局加大了打击”传播低俗反动政治笑话“犯罪的力度，据统计，苏联总共关押了20万此类罪犯。
可是这些人就算被关起来了，低俗的本性还是难改，下面这则政治笑话可能就是在狱中创作的：三个牢友分别讲述他们的罪名：第一人说：我上班总是迟到五分钟，于是被抓了，罪名是“怠工”；第二人说：我上班总是早到五分钟，于是被抓了，罪名是“间谍”；第三人说：我总是准时上班，分秒不差，于是被抓了，罪名是“私藏资本主义国家的手表”。

写这封读者来信的青年Nikolay Kuritsin，深受赏识，被组织当成了青年接班人加以培养，后来他与一位在苏联留学的中共女青年结婚，随着妻子到中国定居，并且取了一个相当中国化的名字：刘忠德。他在中国继续保持了政治上的敏锐性与斗争性，官至文化部长，被热爱他的中国人民称为”社会主义精神文明的一根奇葩！“

我看现在流传的刘忠德同志传略，对其青年时期就与低俗文化做斗争的事迹，基本没有提及，这是个很大的缺憾。

Installing a new OS for the first time is like your 10th Christmas morning: You’re old enough to know what is going on and young enough to still feel the magic.
--Sun Certified System Administrator for Solaris 8, Chapter 29.


g:希望你不是因为google这个sun certxxxx而找到这里。