两个g的加速度

g附：改头像咯。

美国之音记者萧敬/美国之音很多热心的听众朋友通过写信、打电话和发送电子邮件的方式跟我们联系，给我们提出了很多宝贵的意见和建议，有些听众对我们提出了一些要求。在这里，我向这些听众朋友表示衷心的感谢。在这次听众信箱节目里，回答几位听众朋友的问题。

*不能送电脑和汇款*

广西柳州一位姓李的听众朋友给我们发来电子邮件。他写道：“我请求你们帮助我，我需要一台笔记本计算机收听美国之音以及更多的国际新闻，中国正在变革，我要为中国的民主做出我的贡献！我没有钱购买笔记本计算机，只能每次花一元钱到网吧收听美国之音和查看国际新闻。我离不开自由的声音和新闻。你们可以不寄实物的笔记本计算机，你们可以汇1000美元给我，让我在中国购买。”

这位听众朋友坚持不懈地追求真理，立志为中国的民主事业做出自己的贡献，这种精神非常令人赞赏。遗憾的是，按照美国之音的规定，我们不能给这位听众朋友赠送笔记本计算机，也不能汇款。对此我们感到非常抱歉，同时也希望这位听众朋友不要因此而放弃自己的努力和追求。

下略

The Zucker Touch

1. Joke On A Joke.

We never try to do two jokes at the same time. When Leslie Neilson, who plays the role of Lieut. Frank Drebin of the Los Angeles Police Department, delivers a punchline, he always does it straight; he never tries to be funny on top of it. Likewise if there is something going on in the background, the foreground action must be straight and vice versa.

2. Unrelated Background.
A joke happening in the background must be related in some way to the action in the foreground. A good illustration of this rule occurs in "Naked Gun 2.5" as Leslie Neilson complains to George Kennedy over drinks, "Is it just me, Ed, or is the whole world crazy?" As George tries to reassure him that "no, it's just a small percentage of the population," the waiter turns to leave and we see he's naked under his apron. Unfortunately, half the audience fails to notice this because they're still laughing at the silly drink the waiter has brought the lieutenant. This is a blatant violation of the joke-on-a -joke rule but at least now they'll all have to come back to see the movie again.

3. Acknowledgement.
Actors in the foreground must ignore jokes happening behind them. In "Airplane!", Robert Stack and Lloyd Bridges engage in an argument, while behind them watermelons crash down from the ceiling and Indian spears thud into the walls. The actors do a fine job of ignoring the spears and watermelons, but because this bit violated Rule number 2 audiences still didn't laugh. All in all a disappointment.

4. Breaking The Frame.
It's usually not a good idea to remind the audience that they're watching a movie. Robert Hays gets away with it in Airplane! after Julia Hagerty scolds him in an early scene. He turns to the camera and complains to the audience about his plight. The movie has to be a strong one to withstand more than one or two of these, because you run the risk of breaking the spell. The suspension of disbelief is of prime importance, much as it was during the Reagan Administration.

5. That Didn't Happen.
Completely defying logic is bad , but something that is on and off the screen so fast that we can get away with it is OK. Example: Robert Stack in Airplane! yells to Lloyd Bridges. "He can't land; they're on instruments!" And of course we cut to the cockpit and four of the actors are playing musical instruments. Seconds later, in the next scene, the saxophone and clarinets have disappeared. If it's done right, no one in the audience will ask where the instruments went.

6. Can You Live With It?
Once a joke is made, it can't be allowed to hang around after the initial laughs, like Gary Hart. In "Naked Gun", Leslie and George are seated in a car, munching pistachio nuts. In the process, their lips and faces get smeared in red. But in the next scene, when Leslie goes snooping in Ricardo Montalban's apartment, he's got to be clean. This rule also applied to personalised licence plates. How long can "HI 2 U" be funny?

7. Axe-grinding.
Belabouring an ideological point past the humour of the joke. We never axe-grind. Except for, well, maybe some environmental stuff. Sometimes.

8. Self-Conscious.
Any jokes about the movie business or comedy itself. A strict no-no, except for an isolated instance in "The Kentucky Fried Movie" where the bad guy listed all his nefarious activities, including "gun-running, drug-trafficking, motion picture distribution..."

9. Trivia.
A joke understood by so few people as to make it not worth the effort. In "Top Secret!" a character during an ambush cries out, "My God, they're going to kill us all!" - an arcane JFK assassination reference. Since the movie's release in 1984, only one person we know of has understood it, not enough to make "Top Secret!" a hit.

10. Straw Dummy.
A hollow set-up for a joke or when the target is fabricated. Even if the joke hits the target who cares? We had an elaborate sequence written for "Naked Gun 2 and a half" involving Leslie being trapped in an oil barrel processing plant but the jokes all depended on machines we made up ourselves in an elaborate and expensive set. Fortunately, Paramount insisted on deleting the scene, saying they needed the money to pay the lawyers.

11. Jerry Lewis.
We don't do anything Jerry Lewis would do. (OK, maybe a telethon, but that's it.)

12. Technical Pizazz.
We don't do lots of car crashes and fancy special effects. Mindless action without a comedy pay-off never works, except at the Democratic National Convention.

13. Piling On.
When a particular target has had enough and it's been used up. In the seventies, Nixon jokes. In the nineties, Quayle jokes.

14. Hanging On.
Knowing when a joke, or a newspaper article, has gone on too long.

15. There are no rules!!

树

周云蓬

树的身体里生满了虫子
虫子的牙和眼睛层层迭迭
好象山下北京城的灯火
树很难受
他多节的手臂
高举一只鸟

树痒痒的无风自动

他咬紧泥土
慢慢地向左
向右
如果把他砍倒
做成一把吉它
琴声一定很揪心

琴会牵引他的主人跋山涉水
无休止地奔走
上辈子密密麻麻的虫子
阴沉地
从身后一路赶上来

版本一：
陈鼓应 译
故事是这样开始的：皇帝下了一道圣旨给你，你这个卑微的子民，在皇帝的阳光之前，退缩到最远地方的无足重视的阴影。皇帝从他那垂死的床上，下了一道只给你一个人的圣旨。他命令那个使者跪在床边，把圣旨轻轻地说给他听；他说了这么多，于是就叫使者把圣旨复说一遍给他听。然后，他把头点了一下，表示这使者复说的都对了。是的，在聚集前来候他驾崩的观者之前——所有阻碍的墙壁都推倒了，在广大的和高高的阶梯上，一行列地站着一群王子——在所有这些人面前，他下达了他的旨意。使者立即踏上他的途程；他是一个有体力，不疲乏的人。一下用右臂推，一下用左臂推，他从人群中为自己推开一条道路来；假使他遇到了阻碍，他就指着自己的胸前，那儿闪耀着太阳的象征；这路，对于他比对于其他的任何人要容易走。但是人群是如此的拥挤，他们的数目无尽止。要是他能到达空旷之处，那他要飞得多么快呀！而无疑的，你就马上会听到他那受欢迎的拳头敲在你门上的声音。但是他虽然用尽力气，他还是在宫内的人群中夺路出去，他永远不会到达这人群的尾端；就算他能成功地到达，结果也是无所收获的；因为他还得再夺路下那个阶梯；就算他也成功了，还是无所收获的，因为还有宫殿要穿过；而穿过宫殿之后则是第二道的外殿；这之后又是阶梯和宫殿；又再是另外一道的宫殿；这样类推下去，要走好几千年；最后，就算他终于冲到最外层的宫门——但是，永远不会，永远不会发生这事情——帝国的首都要横亘在他的面前，那世界的中心，以它本身的废料来填塞出路。没有人能从这里打得开一条路，若要从死人那里带出信息，那是不可能的。——但是，你坐在你的窗前，当夜晚来临，还梦想着这圣旨。

版本二
温仁百 译
你，孤单单的一个可怜的仆人，渺小的影子在皇帝这轮太阳前被甩出老远。所谓的皇帝病入膏盲，从病榻上特意给你传来一个旨意。他让钦差跪在榻前，对着耳朵悄声传授了圣旨。这是一道对皇帝来说至关重要的圣旨，所以，他让钦差对着他的耳朵复述一遍，然后点点头，示意一字不差。所有挡道的屋墙都已被拆除，在硕大无际的台阶上，帝国的大臣们恭立于周围，当着这些探望圣上龙体者的面，皇帝打发钦差上路。钦差随即出发了。他身体健壮，从不知疲倦，两只胳膊交替着拨开人群，开出一条道路。如遇抵抗，他就亮出胸前的太阳标志，于是便畅通无阻，其势无可比拟。然而人群如海，漫无边际，房屋也一望无边。若是遇到一块空地，他巴不得想飞起来，紧接着你可能就听到他的双拳在猛打你的家门。然事非如此。他虽然不停地左冲右突，却怎么也冲不出内宫房屋的包围。他也决不会冲破它们的包围，即便冲出去，也徒劳无获。他必须冲下台阶，而即使成功，也将一无所获。还得穿越那些庭院，庭院之后又有二道皇宫包围，然后复又台阶、庭院以及皇宫，如此以往，以至千年。纵使冲出最后一道门槛——此乃妄想，永不可及——还有皇城横挡于眼前，它乃世界之中心，沉渣堆积如山。没有谁能够越过这个地方，更不用说一个带着死人旨意的人。 ——然而，你却凝坐窗前，在暮色中梦想着那道圣旨的降临。

版本三
by Ian Johnston
(This translation, which has been prepared by Ian Johnston of Malaspina University-College, Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada, is in the public domain and may be used by anyone for any purpose, without permission and without charge, provided the source is acknowledged.)
An Imperial Message
The Emperor—so they say—has sent a message, directly from his death bed, to you alone, his pathetic subject, a tiny shadow which has taken refuge at the furthest distance from the imperial sun. He ordered the herald to kneel down beside his bed and whispered the message in his ear. He thought it was so important that he had the herald speak it back to him. He confirmed the accuracy of verbal message by nodding his head. And in front of the entire crowd of those witnessing his death—all the obstructing walls have been broken down, and all the great ones of his empire are standing in a circle on the broad and high soaring flights of stairs—in front of all of them he dispatched his herald. The messenger started off at once, a powerful, tireless man. Sticking one arm out and then another, he makes his way through the crowd. If he runs into resistance, he points to his breast where there is a sign of the sun. So he moves forwards easily, unlike anyone else. But the crowd is so huge; its dwelling places are infinite. If there were an open field, how he would fly along, and soon you would hear the marvellous pounding of his fist on your door. But instead of that, how futile are all his efforts. He is still forcing his way through the private rooms of the innermost palace. Never will he win his way through. And if he did manage that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to fight his way down the steps, and, if he managed to do that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to stride through the courtyards, and after the courtyards through the second palace encircling the first, and, then again, through stairs and courtyards, and then, once again, a palace, and so on for thousands of years. And if he finally burst through the outermost door—but that can never, never happen—the royal capital city, the centre of the world, is still there in front of him, piled high and full of sediment. No one pushes his way through here, certainly not someone with a message from a dead man. But you sit at your window and dream of that message when evening comes.

版本四
by Donna Freed
A Message from the Emperor
The Emperor, or so they say, has sent you – his single most contemptible subject, the miniscule shadow that has fled the farthest distance from the imperial sun – only to you has the Emperor sent a message from his deathbed. He has had the messenger kneel beside his bed and he has whispered the message to him; so important was this message that he has made him repeat it in his ear. He has confirmed the accuracy of the words with a nod of his head. And then, before all the spectators assembled to witness his death – every wall obstructing the view had been knocked down and on the free-standing, vaulted staircases, all the dignitaries of the empire were gathered in a circle – before them all, he has dispatched the messenger. The messenger sets off at once, a strong and tireless man; sometimes thrusting ahead with one arm, sometimes with the other, he beats a path through the crowds; where he meets resistance, he points to the sign of the sun on his breast, and he forges ahead with an ease that could be matched by no other. But the throng is so thick, there’s no end to their dwellings. If only there were an open field before him, how fast he would fly; soon you would surely hear the glorious rapping of his knock on your door. But instead, how vain his efforts are; he is still only forcing his way through the chambers of the innermost palace; he will never reach the end of them, and even if he did he’d be no closer; he would have to fight his way down the steps, and even if he did he’d be no closer; he would still have to cross the courtyards, and after the courtyards the second, outer palace, and still more stairs and courtyards, and still another palace, and so on for thousands of years, and even if he did finally burst through the outermost gate – but that could never, ever happen – the empire’s capital, the center of the world, flooded with the dregs of humanity, would still lie before him. There is no one who could force his way through here, least of all with a message from a dead man. – But you sit at your window and dream it up as evening falls.
(这个就是我手头的版本，封面很耐看）

老光在《哲学文本》一文中说，你看着信使走得那么辛苦那么滑稽。你不再取笑他，也不再取笑自己——
你坐在你的窗前，
当夜晚来临，
还梦想着这圣旨。
于是，你从一个被抛入这荒诞世界的可怜虫，变成了一位体味诗意的读者。因为你有梦想。

(以下by罗永浩）
理解万岁

全国首届汽车模特大赛名誉主任，全国首届房产模特大赛名誉主任刘忠德老师（对了，刘主任选模特之余，还抽空兼任全国政协常委）近日发表了认为超女应该被取缔的凶狠言论。

刘主任认为超女“毒害了年轻人”，“玷污了艺术”。虽然刘主任的言论明显违反了我国宪法的精神，但是我特别特别特别理解刘主任的感受。我觉得把全国最牛的车模和房产模特都看过了之后，再看那些身材相貌两平平的超女实在是一件让人扫兴的事情。这么扫兴的不取缔，难道取缔那些让人兴致勃勃的性感模特吗？总得取缔点什么吧。要不然要国家机器干嘛用呢？

取缔取缔。

(以下by连岳）
刘忠德传略补正

1964年，苏联《消息报》刊登了一封署名Nikolay Kuritsin的读者来信：

亲爱的编辑同志：
10天前，我去银行办事，排在我前面有五个人。我站了一会儿就听到了太多令人震惊的话。其中有两个人，红光满面，衣冠楚楚……可是他们竟然在公众场合毫不顾忌地交流他们认为的最好的“政治笑话”……我竟然要站在这么低俗粗鄙的人旁边！——他们正在嘲弄我们的伟大国家！没有什么东西可以震摄他们吗？他们挖苦一切美好的价值！我们必须与他们做斗争！是时候了，我们必须在正直的人民面前揭露他们的虚伪、卑下及肮脏！

这封信件使苏联当局加大了打击”传播低俗反动政治笑话“犯罪的力度，据统计，苏联总共关押了20万此类罪犯。
可是这些人就算被关起来了，低俗的本性还是难改，下面这则政治笑话可能就是在狱中创作的：三个牢友分别讲述他们的罪名：第一人说：我上班总是迟到五分钟，于是被抓了，罪名是“怠工”；第二人说：我上班总是早到五分钟，于是被抓了，罪名是“间谍”；第三人说：我总是准时上班，分秒不差，于是被抓了，罪名是“私藏资本主义国家的手表”。

写这封读者来信的青年Nikolay Kuritsin，深受赏识，被组织当成了青年接班人加以培养，后来他与一位在苏联留学的中共女青年结婚，随着妻子到中国定居，并且取了一个相当中国化的名字：刘忠德。他在中国继续保持了政治上的敏锐性与斗争性，官至文化部长，被热爱他的中国人民称为”社会主义精神文明的一根奇葩！“

我看现在流传的刘忠德同志传略，对其青年时期就与低俗文化做斗争的事迹，基本没有提及，这是个很大的缺憾。